Staying Engaged In Marriage

A couple who gets engaged to be married plans for nothing short of a lasting relationship—perhaps even a family. What a concept! But when time goes by and romance begins to wane, the new found excitement isn't so new anymore. Husband and wife invariably reveal flaws they both were so good at hiding. At this point is something unexpected emerges in the relationship—something they were not prepared to handle—something that would not only test the quality of their love, but demand more of it. Conflict!

This time you’re not getting engaged, you’re staying engaged. In conflict, in the daily grind of life, as well as in the fun times and romantic adventures, the same approach applies. Engagement is pivotal. That means staying connected. If things seem to be falling apart, don't go there, reel it back in. Stay engaged—stay connected—stay close. Because when you’re both proactively engaged, you can’t also be estranged. When you’re engaged you’re working things out with a higher purpose. When you’re engaged you're enjoying each other—even in the process of working things out—provided it's light and right—peppered with affection—where deference and honesty reign. That's right, keep it real, keep it tender-hearted. Stick to each other like glue! So rather than arguing like rivals, how about conversing like friends.

A heavy handed, bossy, or retaliatory approach doesn’t foster connectedness. Keep it light and right. Endearing words like “honey” and “sweetheart” prefacing the next thing you say is the door to his or her heart. An understanding, empathetic, yielding spirit eases tensions. A patient and kind disposition never fails to attract and connect. You see, these are all pieces of the Big Picture Puzzle—when in progress, though there are missing pieces, you know that it's only a matter of finding the right pieces and putting them in there proper place—and then the satisfaction comes when your picture is beautiful and complete.

It’s easy to have fun when everything is going your way; it’s harder to maintain equanimity, peace, and joy, when you’re at odds with each other. But staying engaged comes with good vibes and feeds good character, while presenting an eye-opening opportunity.

Having an “engaged” perspective in mind, is a perpetual reminder of what marriage is all about, and it’s also a reminder of what you need to do to get back to that ideal state when you’re both disengaged. And that is a must! No caveats, no excuses! Some who give up all too soon may say that’s easier said than done. No, it's easier done than said!

If you're looking for an easy way out when things get difficult and tempers flare, don't bother, there are no easy ways out. There are only easy ways in—ways to get connected again. It may take laying down your pride and your hurt feelings; that's a good thing. It usually means to forgive and forget. That's when resentment of any kind dissolves and you're on your way to the necessity of reconciliation. Whatever effort or time it takes, the call to love, honor, and faithfulness only comes with rewards—spiritually and relationally.

Remember, if you are followers of Christ, you have the promise of his spirit in both you and your union with your spouse. A three chord strand is not easy to break. "Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union?" Malachi 2:15. It's not just the two of you, it's a three-way proposition. A partnership. And guess who decides what is right and good for you both?

Staying engaged in marriage is an ongoing dynamic that will make any relationship thrive and survive, and be a model for generations to come!

Comments Below

The Music of Marriage Home

Presentation Requests