All Of Me

All of Me

In marriage, the degree to which we give ourselves completely to our spouse is a mirror of how much of ourselves we have truly given to God.

What Are We Holding Back?

In matters of faith, it is easy to convince ourselves that we are meeting God's requirements. We go to church, smile and shake hands, attend a Bible study or small group, pay our tithe, share the gospel with strangers, and help those in need. We try, in all the ways that are visible to others, to be good people. But this is precisely where our deepest temptation lies — the temptation to seek the minimum that will be accepted rather than give the maximum that is asked.

We are far too easily pleased with what we offer, and we rarely stop to consider what we are still holding back. The secret sins, the private thoughts we enjoy too much to renounce — these are the first place to look. If we find ourselves justifying them, we must ask: who, exactly, are we arguing with? The whisper of temptation is always plausible. We even attempt to convince God that the corner of our heart we have kept for ourselves is reasonable, understandable, perhaps even harmless.

But what does God actually demand of us? It is not simply our time, nor even all of our attention. What He demands is ourselves. C.S. Lewis put it plainly: "God has nothing to give us but himself. He can give that only insofar as our self-affirming will retires and makes room for him in our souls." Is there anything, then, that lies beyond His claim? No — He claims everything, because He is love, and love must bless. And He cannot bless us unless He fully has us. When we carve out a private territory and call it our own, we are cultivating a region of spiritual death. And so, in love, He claims all. There is no room for bargaining.

What Giving All of Me Means for My Marriage

This principle does not remain abstract — it finds its clearest human expression in marriage. When we withhold parts of ourselves from our spouse, we become emotionally dependent on them in an unhealthy way, looking to them to meet needs that only God can fill. This shows up in our expectations of one another. Do we demand that our spouse fulfill something they were never meant to provide?

When we crave affection but don't receive it, something in us begins to demand it. And demands, in any relationship, create a kind of freezing — a hardening of the heart on both sides. If we are not receiving the affection or the willing cooperation we hoped for, perhaps the right question is not why won't they give? but what am I holding back? If your spouse has longed to go somewhere and you have never found the time, you are withholding yourself. That is not a small thing.

True love — agape love — requires vulnerability. If safety is your overriding concern in a relationship, you have, in effect, ruled out genuine love, because love always opens you to the possibility of being hurt. To refuse vulnerability is to wrap yourself in the coffin of your own selfishness. Christ did not suffer and die for us so that we might be comfortable and risk-free. He invites us into His life — a life that is, by no means, safe, but is the only life worth living. As Paul wrote, "For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake." The welfare of the other — including their suffering — becomes our concern. We are not greater than our Lord. If Jesus is more than your Savior — if He is your Lord — then this selfless, umbrella love will protect your relationships rather than expose them to ruin.

The Refining Fire—When All of Me Reflects the Image of God

Marriage requires a commitment to walking through the heat of the refining fire together. The silversmith does not declare a piece of silver finished until he can see his own image clearly reflected in it. In the same way, nothing reveals true commitment like enduring the hard things of life side by side. When hardship comes, every instinct may urge us to bolt — but that is precisely the opposite of what is needed. Nothing less than the crucifixion of self will do. Agape love is not a feeling that comes and goes; it is a daily practice, woven into every corner of life. Think of a weightlifter. The more he lifts, and the more consistently he returns to the weight, the greater his capacity to carry. So it is with love. And yet there is a grace here: if we are doing God's will, the weight is never as heavy as it might seem. He promises to make our burdens light for those who entrust them to Him.

The Music of Marriage Podcasts